My Favorite Conference Talk

Twice a year our church holds a worldwide conference where we get to listen (by radio, satellite tv, or on the internet) to the church leaders give counsel on various topics. This was one of my favorite talks from the April conference session this year:

Daughters of God
Elder M. Russell Ballard Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

"There is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood.

Brothers and sisters, recently my wife, Barbara, had back surgery and could not lift, twist, or bend. Consequently, I have done more lifting, twisting, and bending than ever before—and it has made me more appreciative of what women, and especially you mothers, do every day in our homes.

While women live in homes under many different circumstances—married, single, widowed, or divorced, some with children and some without—all are beloved of God, and He has a plan for His righteous daughters to receive the highest blessings of eternity.

This afternoon I want to focus my remarks primarily on mothers, particularly on young mothers.

As a young father, I learned the demanding role of motherhood. I served as a counselor and then as bishop for a period of 10 years. During that time we were blessed with six of our seven children. Barbara was often worn-out by the time I got home Sunday evening. She tried to explain what it was like to sit on the back row in sacrament meeting with our young family. Then the day came that I was released. After sitting on the stand for 10 years, I was now sitting with my family on the back row.

The ward’s singing mothers’ chorus was providing the music, and I found myself sitting alone with our six children. I have never been so busy in my whole life. I had the hand puppets going on both hands, and that wasn’t working too well. The Cheerios got away from me, and that was embarrassing. The coloring books didn’t seem to entertain as well as they should.

As I struggled with the children through the meeting, I looked up at Barbara, and she was watching me and smiling. I learned for myself to more fully appreciate what all of you dear mothers do so well and so faithfully!

A generation later, as a grandfather, I have watched the sacrifices my daughters have made in rearing their children. And now, still another generation later, I am watching with awe the pressures on my granddaughters as they guide their children in this busy and demanding world.
After observing and empathizing with three generations of mothers and thinking of my own dear mother, I surely know that there is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood.

There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part- or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.

I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. If a child lives with parents for 18 or 19 years, that span is only one-fourth of a parent’s life. And the most formative time of all, the early years in a child’s life, represents less than one-tenth of a parent’s normal life. It is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek, with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our homes. This eternally important work falls to mothers and fathers as equal partners. I am grateful that today many fathers are more involved in the lives of their children. But I believe that the instincts and the intense nurturing involvement of mothers with their children will always be a major key to their well-being. In the words of the proclamation on the family, “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102).

We need to remember that the full commitment of motherhood and of putting children first can be difficult. Through my own four-generation experience in our family, and through discussions with mothers of young children throughout the Church, I know something of a mother’s emotions that accompany her commitment to be at home with young children. There are moments of great joy and incredible fulfillment, but there are also moments of a sense of inadequacy, monotony, and frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choice they have made. Sometimes even husbands seem to have no idea of the demands upon their wives.

As a Church, we have enormous respect and gratitude to you mothers of young children. We want you to be happy and successful in your families and to have the validation and support you need and deserve. So today, let me ask and briefly answer four questions. While my answers may seem extremely simple, if the simple things are being tended to, a mother’s life can be most rewarding.

The first question: What can you do, as a young mother, to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?

First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.
Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”(Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).

Second, don’t overschedule yourselves or your children. We live in a world that is filled with options. If we are not careful, we will find every minute jammed with social events, classes, exercise time, book clubs, scrapbooking, Church callings, music, sports, the Internet, and our favorite TV shows. One mother told me of a time that her children had 29 scheduled commitments every week: music lessons, Scouts, dance, Little League, day camps, soccer, art, and so forth. She felt like a taxi driver. Finally, she called a family meeting and announced, “Something has to go; we have no time to ourselves and no time for each other.” Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together.

Third, even as you try to cut out the extra commitments, sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children. Avoid any kind of substance abuse, mistakenly thinking that it will help you accomplish more. And don’t allow yourself to be caught up in the time-wasting, mind-numbing things like television soap operas or surfing the Internet. Turn to the Lord in faith, and you will know what to do and how to do it.

Fourth, pray, study, and teach the gospel. Pray deeply about your children and about your role as a mother. Parents can offer a unique and wonderful kind of prayer because they are praying to the Eternal Parent of us all. There is great power in a prayer that essentially says, “We are steward-parents over Thy children, Father; please help us to raise them as Thou wouldst want them raised.”

The second question: What more can a husband do to support his wife, the mother of their children?

First, show extra appreciation and give more validation for what your wife does every day. Notice things and say thank you—often. Schedule some evenings together, just the two of you.
Second, have a regular time to talk with your wife about each child’s needs and what you can do to help.

Third, give your wife a “day away” now and then. Just take over the household and give your wife a break from her daily responsibilities. Taking over for a while will greatly enhance your appreciation of what your wife does. You may do a lot of lifting, twisting, and bending!

Fourth, come home from work and take an active role with your family. Don’t put work, friends, or sports ahead of listening to, playing with, and teaching your children.

The third question: What can children, even young children, do? Now, you children, please listen to me because there are some simple things you can do to help your mother.

You can pick up your toys when you are finished playing with them, and when you get a little older, you can make your bed, help with the dishes, and do other chores—without being asked.
You can say thank you more often when you finish a nice meal, when a story is read to you at bedtime, or when clean clothes are put in your drawers.

Most of all, you can put your arms around your mother often and tell her you love her.
The last question: What can the Church do?

There are many things the Church offers to mothers and families, but for my purpose today may I suggest that the bishopric and the ward council members be especially watchful and considerate of the time and resource demands on young mothers and their families. Know them and be wise in what you ask them to do at this time in their lives. Alma’s counsel to his son Helaman applies to us today: “Behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass” (Alma 37:6).

I hope all of you dear sisters, married or single, never wonder if you have worth in the sight of the Lord and to the leaders of the Church. We love you. We respect you and appreciate your influence in preserving the family and assisting with the growth and the spiritual vitality of the Church. Let us remember that “the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”). The scriptures and the teachings of the prophets and apostles help all family members to prepare together now to be together through all eternity. I pray that God will continually bless the women of the Church to find joy and happiness in their sacred roles as daughters of God.

Now, in closing, I want to add my witness of President Monson’s prophetic call. I have known him since he was 22 and I was 21. That’s 58 years. I have watched the hand of the Lord prepare him for this day to preside over the Church as the prophet and President. And I add my testimony, along with all of the other testimonies that have been borne through this conference, of his special calling as President of the Church, and add my testimony, along with all of the others, that Jesus is the Christ and this is His Church. We are doing His work, to which I testify in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen."

Two Weeks of Vacation

I love having this month off for vacation. It has been so nice and relaxing to take time getting up in the morning, eating nice breakfasts with the family, playing with the boys, and just being home with the family. We have gotten a lot done over the past two weeks to get ready for packing and moving while still finding time to have some fun.

As far as moving, we have decided to try and fit most of our stuff into a pod that will be transported to Rochester, New York and then kept in storage for a year. Then we will try and fit the stuff going to Utah with us into another pod and our cars. We are going to try and sell most of our bigger furniture (dressers, bookcases, entertainment center, couches, table) in order to make everything fit, and then slowly purchase them again when we get to Rochester. This will help us to save quite a bit of money if we can use 2 pods rather than 3. We set a date to rent the pods for Tuesday, May 27, which will allow us a few fudge days to get everything packed before we have to be out of the apartment on May 31. Then, we are going to get a towing package installed on the back of our van and rent a car tow dolly from U-haul to tow our smaller blue car behind the van when we drive to Utah. That way, we can take a few extra days getting to Utah, stopping in Nauvoo and at Steph’s grandma’s house in Missouri (plus it will cost less to tow the car than to pay for gas to drive it). Steph also found some people in Milwaukee that had just moved here and were giving away their boxes, so we picked them up and have them ready to start packing soon. We also spent a couple of days cleaning out our storage units and trying to get rid of the junk that has accumulated over the past few years. That felt good.

It is crazy to think that we only have about 7 weeks left in Milwaukee. We are really excited to start this next step in our journey, but we will be very sad to leave all of the friends out here that have become our family while away from family. Thanks to everyone who has been so good to us, helping us out when needed and having fun playing games with us. We hope that we can stay in contact with all of them even though we will not be close by.

Speaking of the next step in our journey, we got all the paperwork this week for my new job as an intern at Intermountain Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah. I got my contract that showed how much I will get paid (and let’s just say it will be so nice to finally be getting a paycheck again). I also got the form to pick my schedule preference, as well as all the stuff from human resources for insurance, lab coats, ID badge, etc. It is exciting to think that I will be starting as an intern in just a few months, though it was a little crazy to see the spot that I signed at the end of the contract with a M.D. after my name. I mean, I guess that is what I have been working for the past 4 years, but it will still take some getting used to.

Last weekend we got to enjoy watching the 168th General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints over the internet on our computer. For those that may not know, this meeting occurs twice a year and it is a meeting of our entire church throughout the world. It is a chance for us to hear from the prophet and his 2 counselors, the 12 apostles, and the other general leaders of our church, to receive counsel and instruction that is applicable to us living in the world today. There are 5 two-hour information-packed meetings, 3 on Saturday and 2 on Sunday. This weekend’s set of meetings was especially neat because a new prophet was sustained, since President Gordon B. Hinckley passed away earlier this year. The new prophet is Thomas S. Monson, and we each got a chance to show our personal willingness to accept this man as the living prophet of our day. A new apostle was also called, Elder D. Todd Christofferson. I love these meetings because I learn so much and feel such a warm feeling inside as the Holy Ghost testifies to me that what I am being taught is true. I really enjoyed Elder Dallin H. Oaks’ talk about testimony, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s about using self-discipline to stay the true course, Elder Jeffery R. Holland’s about the importance of continuing revelation, and Elder M. Russell Ballard’s about the role of young mother’s in raising a righteous generation of children. Our kids did pretty well, considering their ages, but there were still times that I wasn’t able to pay as much attention as I would have liked – I can’t wait for the Ensign to come out so I can reread everything that was taught.

Last Monday we decided to take a trip down to Chicago. We had heard that the zoo was free, so we drove down and found some free parking in a park just across the street from the zoo. We got to see the seals being fed and trained, Kolby and Eli chasing seagulls around while eating lunch, and some other cool displays (though the lion’s were not very exciting like they are at the Milwaukee zoo). My favorite was a pygmy hippo that the kids could get down in front of a glass window. The hippo kept trying to dig at the kids and they would squeal. It was really funny to watch. There was also a really cool jungle gym that was shaped like a giant tree, with leaves and netting for the kids to climb around in. After the zoo, we drove downtown and found a parking garage to leave the car and then spent the night walking around the city. We wanted to get to Navy Pier, and since we had been there before, we knew what direction to go. Well, to make a long story short, we ended up taking a wrong turn (though it wasn’t our fault because there were no signs posted saying that the sidewalk was going to end) and found ourselves on a bridge over the Chicago river, at a freeway entrance with cars whizzing past, and us needing to get to the other side. Luckily, there was some construction being done that slowed the cars down some, and then there were some nice people that stopped to let us by. We ended up safely at the Navy Pier and the boys had fun watching the giant ferris wheel and swings. Then we took a trolley ride back into the city to get us closer to our car. We had a lot of fun, though we were so tired on the drive home that Steph and I had to keep trading off driving.

Steph found a website called MilwaukeeMoms.com that has postings for different community events and there were 2 that we did this weekend. In the morning we went to a Kid Fest at the state fairgrounds in the exhibition center. They had all sorts of booths set up from different organizations all over the community, with candy and activities for the kids and drawings for the parents to enter. There was a kid’s circus where they took volunteers from the audience and dressed them up in animal costumes and then had them perform on the stage. We’ll have to post the video of Kolby and Eli as they danced around as horses on the stage. It was really cute.

We got a call from the Theriot’s, a family in the ward, asking if we could watch their 2-year-old boy over the weekend while they went to St. Louis to do some house hunting. He is a really calm and happy kid and has fit in real well with the other boys. They also left us with their X-box to enjoy over the weekend. We have enjoyed playing Tetris, Star Wars, and Cars together and with friends.

This weekend is our Stake Conference, and the other thing that Steph found on that website was a Methodist church that was doing a free babysitting night as a service to the community. We decided to take them up on the offer. We dropped the kids off at 5 and picked them up at 9:30. They fed the kids dinner and then did several activities with them. Steph and I were able to go to dinner at Uno’s and then attend the adult session of Stake Conference together. It was so good as we were counseled on ways to increase our faith and strengthen our families. We need to get the kids ready now for the meeting today at 2pm. We will have 5 boys under the age of 5 with us – it should be interesting. Hopefully we get something out of it. :)

First Week of October

Well, this first week of October has been much more relaxed than the schedule we were on for Michael’s rotation last month. He is now doing one of his elective rotations called “Promoting Health in Urban Underserved Communities,” and he has basically had a 9-5 schedule with a lot more flexibility to get time off if he needs to, which is nice because he is taking one of his Step 2 Board exams and we are expecting the baby to come this month.

So, this week was pretty uneventful. Kolby had preschool, which he always loves. It is interesting because his classroom teacher is blind, although I don’t think that the kids really realize this. On Monday Kolby wanted to take a cut-out of a footprint that he made in his church class to show his school teacher. He was showing it to her at the beginning of class, and she was asking if she could hold it, asking what color it was, and telling him that he must have big feet if it was traced from his foot. And he loves his gym class too. Often we go about 15 minutes before the end of class and if they are wrapping up a game that is not very structured, I will let Eli join in with Kolby and the other kids. They have played freeze tag a couple times and the boys really like it. Kolby seems to be one of the only kids that really comprehends the idea – many of the others just kept running after they were tagged without waiting to be unfrozen. And on Wednesday when I went to pick him up, Kolby and another little boy named Simon were running around holding hands and they came up and Kolby told me Simon was his best friend. I let Eli run around with them, and they were holding his hands and playing great with him too. I think Eli will really enjoy going to the classes in a few months – he will be able to start in the winter session once we get back from our trips, since he will be 3 years old by then.

Well, on Wednesday I hit 36 weeks with this pregnancy. So now I have just over 3 weeks to go. I am glad we waited a while in the beginning of the pregnancy to announce to people that we were pregnant this time – I know that it’s all in my head, but it really seemed to make the remainder of the pregnancy go by much quicker than with earlier pregnancies when we announced it soon after we found out. So, on Wednesday night Michael had an AOA meeting, so I took Kolby to his swimming lesson. He is doing great. They have these little float belts that they put around the kids’ waists to give them confidence, and the kids all swam the length of the pool with those on several times in this week’s lesson, then at the end they swam a few feet from the edge of the pool to their teacher with no float belts, so that was pretty cool. It is fun to see Kolby’s confidence increase as he is now really learning how to swim.

On Thursday morning we went to the Twelmyer’s house for the family history group, and I was able to help Sister Twelmyer to learn how to search for some ancestors on the IGI online so that she can prepare the names to take to the temple. Later that afternoon I had my doctor’s appointment – I am down to the last month now, so I am having an appointment every week – and Michael was able to join us for the appointment this time. Everything is going well with the baby, and I am dilated to a 2. (I don’t really care if I’m dilated much yet or not, except that my midwife had mentioned that they would induce me a day or two after my due date, if it goes that long, but that if you get that far and are not dilated at all, they might not do it as early. So anyway, I got her to commit to inducing me on November 1st if I haven’t had the baby by the due date, which is nice to have a final date set). And Thursday night Michael took Eli to swim lessons, and said that they had a lot of fun.

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Eli decorating cookies . __ . __ . __ . __ . __ . __ . Eli licking his frosting

On Friday morning, after I dropped Kolby off at preschool, we went to Jill Hunter’s apartment for some fall activities for the kids from the apartment complex. All of the kids went outside and collected fall leaves, and then we went back in and they decorated cookies that were shaped like leaves. Eli had fun doing that. Then on Friday night we went to the Townsend’s house for our ward dessert groups, and the Sanders family came too. We had banana splits and had fun talking with the adults while all the kids played.

And this weekend has been spent watching General Conference on the internet. The boys kind of had a rough time sitting through the first session yesterday, but it seems like they are getting used to the idea of sitting quietly and watching the 2-hour sessions at a time, and they have done pretty well today (as well as you could expect for a 2- and 3-year-old, and Camden napped through most of this morning’s session). After the last session that will be starting up here in a few minutes, we will eat the roast that Michael has prepared for dinner and then he is going to head down to Chicago. He got a pretty good deal on a motel room, so he can drive down tonight and not have to get up super early in the morning and he can avoid any bad traffic tomorrow. In the morning he will take one of his two Step 2 Board exams. It is the one where they have different standardized patients and they are graded on how they give exams and take the patients’ histories. So, hopefully he will have a safe drive down there and back, and his test will go well. Then I think we are planning to go out to dinner as a family when he gets home Monday evening to celebrate him finishing his test.

Eli, Mommy, and Kolby watching Conference

Oh yeah, and I almost forgot to mention that Michael got another interview invitation this week. He got an e-mail saying that he is on the early invite list for the transitional year program in Salt Lake, and that they will let him know the dates for that interview shortly. So things are all going pretty well. I’d better run get the computer set up now so we can catch the last session of Conference. Hope you all had a great week!