Funny Things the Boys Have Said Lately . . .

Camden: I opened the back door to take the trash out the other day, and Camden said, “Makai outside?” (Makai is my parents’ dog that they brought with them when they visited for Thanksgiving a week and a half ago). I told him that Makai wasn’t in the back yard, that she went home with Nana and Papa. Camden tilted his head to the side (he does this when he’s not happy) and said, “No Nana and Papa, Makai outside!” He just didn’t understand that the dog wasn’t still in our back yard, since that was the last place he saw her.

Eli: I was giving the boys a shower the other night and Eli looked at my belly and asked, “Is Courtland going to pop out right now?” I told him that my belly wasn’t going to pop, and that Courtland wasn’t ready to come out yet. So he asked, “Why is your tummy so big then?” And I explained that the baby is growing, and that he will keep growing bigger until he is ready to come out.

Kolby: When we went to see the Christmas lights at Temple Square with our friends, the Barkers, Kolby had to use the bathroom. So I took Kolby and Eli and Miriam brought her two little girls inside to use the restroom. I always take the boys into the women’s restroom with me since they aren’t old enough to go into the men’s by themselves yet. On our way out of the bathroom, Kolby asked what the tampon dispenser on the wall was. Thinking that I would just be matter-of-fact and answer him clearly so as not to make a big deal out of it, I just told him it was for tampons. He asked what tampons were, and I told him that they were for girls and that he didn’t have to worry about them. Kolby can get pretty frustrated when he feels like we are not answering his questions to his satisfaction, and he started to get frustrated with me, asking me again what tampons were for. So I told him that they were for periods, hoping that would satisfy him. Of course not. He then demanded to know what periods were, and for the life of me I couldn’t think of a good, simple, quick explanation of a menstrual period that would be appropriate for a 5-year-old boy to hear (and for me to be telling him, in front of all the other kids, in a public restroom). Miriam, of course, was just laughing through this whole conversation. So, after Kolby asked me a few times what a period was, and I delayed (hoping that he would forget his question), I finally just told him that I couldn’t think of a good answer and I’d have to think about it and talk to him about it later. Luckily that seemed to appease him for the time being. We’ll see if he remembers to ask me about it again in the future.

The Next Survivor Series

I got this e-mail from my friend, Emily Christensen, and thought it was very cute -- this is a reality show I might actually watch:

The Next Survivor Series

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time. Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment, and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care. He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flower s outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. They will also need to know each child's weight and length at birth, time of birth, and length of labor, along with each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if . . . he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18 to 25 years, eventually earning the right to be called ‘Mother.’