On Having All Boys

So, whenever I go anywhere, I get the same questions and comments. The most common comment I get is, "Wow, you have your hands full, don't you?" (I get this one even when Kolby is at preschool and I only have Eli and Camden with me). Although I’m a little tired of that one, it’s ok – I figure most people are either sympathizing with how busy I am or they are little old ladies remembering their own days as young mothers with several little ones. But if I had a dollar for every time I heard the “you’ve got your hands full” comment, we could probably have paid off Michael’s medical school loans by now.

The comments that do bug me a little are the ones about me having all boys. Since I am obviously pregnant and usually have three boys age 3 and under in tow, I am constantly getting variations of the question, “So, what are you having?” When I answer that it is another boy, I get a variety of responses. Every once in a while someone will say something like, “Oh, that’s great,” or “All boys, how fun!” But I’ve actually only gotten those comments a few times. Most people follow quickly with, “Do you want a girl?” My standard answer has become, “We would be happy either way – we wouldn’t mind having all boys.”

I really would be happy with 5 boys (5 is the number of kids that we want). I wouldn’t mind having a girl either, but I’m not waiting and hoping for a girl. And we are definitely not going to continue having children until we ‘get a girl.’ Really, I think it would be a lot of fun to dress a little girl. Whenever you go into a store, there are always way cuter clothes for girls – all you have to do is add a little pink ruffle to any plain t-shirt and it is cute – and most stores have a much larger selection of girl’s clothes than boy’s clothes. But beyond dressing her up, I don’t really feel any big void in my life right now without a girl. If we end up having a girl, that would be great, but a pack of rowdy boys is a fun adventure, and that’s what I’m expecting at this point.

Michael and I both like to know what to expect, and we have always been anxious to find out the genders of our babies as soon as possible. Before I had the ultrasound with Kolby, I had a feeling that it was a girl. Don’t know why. And then before the ultrasound with Eli, I didn’t really have a specific feeling either way, but I just assumed that it was a girl – we had a boy, so a girl was what would come next, right? Wrong. And during my pregnancies with both Kolby and Eli I was morning-sick in a similar way, but with my third pregnancy I was sick at different times, and I was sick on and off, instead of it just getting worse until it went away. Anyway, I remembered my mom (who had three girls and then two boys) telling me that she was sick in one way with all the girls, and her sickness was very different with her boys. So, before we had the ultrasound with Camden, I thought it was a girl because of that. Nope.

This time around, before the ultrasound, I wasn’t going to make a guess – I didn’t have any strong feelings either way, and I knew I would be happy with a boy or girl. And then we were told that there was a possibility of twins because of dates and measurements, so that was a lot to think of before we had the ultrasound. [If we had twins, I was thinking of naming them Isaac and Aurora “Rori” if it was a boy and girl, or Aurora “Rori” and Avagial – after my great grandmother – “Avy” if it was two girls, but I hadn’t come up with a second name yet if it was two boys.] Anyway, it wasn’t twins. (For two out of my four pregnancies they told us there was a chance of twins, and then we had to wait several days before an ultrasound, going crazy not knowing – I think from now on I’ll tell them not to tell me before the ultrasound if they think there might be twins, because if it is twins we will find out at the ultrasound anyway and won’t have to go crazy wondering. But this pregnancy was just one, and he was a boy, and now we are expecting Isaac in about 3 weeks – that sure is coming up soon!

With this pregnancy, we decided to wait a while to tell anyone (other than our parents). Since I had an early miscarriage with my first pregnancy (before Kolby), we have always waited until we had the first doctor’s appointment and heard the heartbeat before making any announcements, but this time I wanted to wait even longer. I wanted to wait until we had an ultrasound to know if it was a boy or girl first. I guess it is kind of a good thing that they thought it might be twins because they did an early ultrasound to check on that when I was 13 weeks along. That’s when we found out that it was probably a boy, and we started telling people we were pregnant after that. That was probably a good thing, because if we had waited until I had my regular ultrasound scheduled later on, it wouldn’t have mattered if we were telling anyone because I was starting to show by then. I guess that’s the thing with having all these kids close together – with each one I show sooner and my stomach expands more – just like a balloon that has been inflated once and never returns to its original shape again. But I can’t get down about how I look if I’m choosing to have kids so close together, there’s just no time in between to get ‘back to normal.’ My goal is to reach ‘normal’ again by the time kid # 5 is 2-years-old. But that is another topic entirely.

Anyway, one reason I wanted to wait so long this time was because I didn’t want to get a million questions about if I wanted a girl. I just wanted to know what it was and to be able to answer confidently, “It’s a boy, yes we’re happy for a boy, no we weren’t wishing for a girl,” or “It’s a girl, yes we’re happy for a girl, Yes, I’m sure she’s going to be tough with all those big brothers.” So, it was nice to know beforehand.

One thing that took me a while to get used to, though is the comments I got from random people anytime I went to any public place. Little old men at the grocery store, young couples in the doctor’s office waiting room, women at bus stops (I don’t even ride the bus, I just get comments from people as I walk by on the sidewalk), students at the medical school, moms at the library, teenage store clerks, etc. are all curious to know what this one is going to be. And I don’t mind that – I have asked many other pregnant moms what they are having before. But after they find out that it is a boy, some people make the rudest comments. “Oh, I’m so sorry!” or “Are you going to keep trying until you get your girl?” or “That’s too bad,” or most recently, from a girl who worked at Wal Mart, “Oh, that sucks!” I mean, what are people thinking? I’ve decided that most people just aren’t thinking, because you wouldn’t say something like that if you were. Either way – if someone is very happy that they are having their fourth boy, they don’t want to hear all the negative comments from everyone who thinks they need a girl; or if someone really wanted a girl more than anything else in the world, how would that make her feel to have people make comments about her inability to do so thus far?

So, lately I have really gotten over being annoyed by these comments most of the time – I just smile, nod, and say something quick like, “Yeah, we like boys at our house,” or “We’re really good at boys,” before walking away. But I have had this conversation so many times, I figured I’d just write it all down. I’m sure that if we do end up having another boy after this one, I will get so many more of these comments, but oh well. (If that does happen, though, I will need some suggestions for more boy names -- I am running out of ones that both Michael and I like). People can think what they want, we really do love having our little pack of boys!