Although the film mostly focused on kids, it did include a little segment at the end about parents' device usage and how it can effect the family. Although the film didn't suggest anything like this, after watching it I found myself sincerely asking "Could I [would I] be able to stop using my computer & my cell phone from the time my kids get home from school in the afternoon until they go to bed at night each weekday?"
That sounds like a simple question, but there are a lot of different things to consider as I tried to decide on if I could do that in a realistic, reasonable, sustainable, and wise way. I asked a few of the other parents what their perspective was about that question as we discussed the film, and the prompt response I got from each of the parents I asked was that it'd be possible to put away the computer, but not the phone. That was the general consensus from each of the parents I talked to. But I thought it might be possible.
Although I do waste time on Facebook or searching for things online sometimes, I generally don't do things like spending hours on social media or playing online games. But I do often use either my computer or my phone to "get things done" throughout the day, including when my kids get home from school. Usually they are good things or necessary things that I'm doing (*On my phone: responding to emails/texts about school, scouts, piano lessons, my kids' dog walking or babysitting jobs, play dates, birthday party invitations, inviting someone to a church activity, sending out reminders about cub scout pack meetings, adding event dates to our family calendar, reading the scriptures or listening to a religious talk, listening to an audiobook when I drive in the car, listening to music when I'm getting chores done around the house, posting details about a weekly group bike ride I host on our facebook group, sending a message to my neighborhood or my kids' school facebook groups, sending out birthday invitations for my kids, coordinating school & church volunteering, looking up an address or directions, tracking my bike ride route on an app, using the flashlight or calculator, checking my kids' grades, backing up our family photos, writing on our blog, setting a timer, setting my alarm, taking photos, shopping on Amazon or Craigslist, etc. Oh yeah, and making phone calls. *On my computer: documents, emails, genealogy, paying bills, ordering my groceries, photo editing, backing up photos & other computer files, shopping on Amazon & craigslist, spreadsheets, presentations, creative projects, making flyers, landscape design, coordinating school & church volunteering, etc.). I use my phone & my computer A LOT. And a lot of the things that I do on my phone & computer are things that previous generations of moms still had to do, just not on a mobile device (calendars, bills, phone calls, invitations, photography, etc., etc., etc.) So when the kids come home from school, I've never really had much of a problem with being on the computer or cell phone when the kids are home from school in the afternoons/evenings. Even though I do recognize the fact that I sometimes don't give my kids as much attention as I otherwise would without my device, or I sometimes get frustrated with my kids when they interrupt or pester me when I'm doing something I need to get done.
When the idea popped into my head the other day to block off a certain time each weekday to be device free for my kids, it did appeal to me. Some definite pros would include
1. Being a better example for my kids (especially since we limit their device usage a lot compared to many kids in our area, so it would be good to show them that I can limit my device usage too and I'm not just asking them to do something I won't do myself),
2. Having more quality time with my kids -- a few distraction-free hours per day is a lot (and can be especially important now, with about 4 1/2 years left before our oldest will likely be leaving home),
3. Making a conscious effort to do things with my kids, whether they are fun activities, or even just inviting them to help me out with a task that I need to get done and we can do it together,
4. And I do think it would be better for me -- the studies are showing that too much screen time can have negative effects on our sleep patterns, and can increase depression & anxiety. Plus I figure we're more likely to feel better when we have more quality interactions with other people.
I thought a lot about it, and I decided that a good way to go about trying this little experiment would be to set some pretty strict limits on my phone & computer usage during that after school time each weekday, but with some exceptions that would be necessary/useful and that I thought would be acceptable. This is definitely a work in progress, but these are the parameters of my experiment so far:
The Plan: No computer or cell phone use on weekdays from the time the kids get home from school until the kids' bedtime (while at least one of the kids is with me).
Except:
•I can answer phone calls.
•I can use the computer or phone if it’s specifically needed for an activity with one of the kids (can take a photo of the kids with my phone, help my kids work on genealogy, look up a recipe to cook together, look up contact info/directions if we are going somewhere or need to call someone, etc.)
•I may check my phone a couple different times on Tuesday evenings to check/answer messages that are needed for scout carpools that evening, if necessary. I’ll limit the amount of time spent on this as much as possible.
•I can use the phone to send someone a quick message if I feel prompted to reach out to someone at a certain time.
I plan to do these things to help make it easier:
•I’ll plug my cell phone in to charge on the kitchen counter after school when we’re home.
•I’ll actively try to make arrangements earlier in the day to avoid cell phone & computer use during that time (arrange carpools earlier in the day if possible, prepare scout pack meeting documents earlier so I won’t need to do it after school, set a reminder to check emails/texts right before the kids get home from school, etc.)
•I will use a sticky note to jot down things I need to remember or items to be added to the grocery list, and I can add those to my phone after the kids go to bed.
•I will make adjustments to the alarms/reminders on my phone so it’s not going off frequently during the after school hours.
•I’ll plug my cell phone in to charge on the kitchen counter after school when we’re home.
•I’ll actively try to make arrangements earlier in the day to avoid cell phone & computer use during that time (arrange carpools earlier in the day if possible, prepare scout pack meeting documents earlier so I won’t need to do it after school, set a reminder to check emails/texts right before the kids get home from school, etc.)
•I will use a sticky note to jot down things I need to remember or items to be added to the grocery list, and I can add those to my phone after the kids go to bed.
•I will make adjustments to the alarms/reminders on my phone so it’s not going off frequently during the after school hours.
I decided that I don't have a problem with answering actual phone calls (I don't spend too much time talking on the phone anyway). But talking to people is a good thing, and that way people can reach me if they need to. And one of my big hesitations about this plan is that I might sometimes miss text messages about time sensitive matters (planning a carpool for scouts, someone asking me if my son is available to babysit, someone offering to give away or sell something that I would be interested in, and just generally responding to people in a prompt & polite manner). So I did make allowances for arranging carpools on the days my kids have evening activities (although I hope I can generally get those things worked out earlier if possible). But I think overall I probably just need to get past my idea that I need to respond to people right away, and figure that it's ok to respond within a few hours in most situations, and if someone needs a quick response or there is an emergency they will call. I think that once I give this experiment a try for the first few days and work out the bugs, I may send a little message out to my family & friends to let them know what I'm doing & why, so they'll know to call me if they need anything. And part of me says it's crazy that I would feel a need to make an announcement to people that I'm planning to not answer texts or emails for a few hours each day, but on the other hand I do feel that way so I'll probably just go with it.
So, I've tried it out for a couple days. Here's what I've learned & accomplished with this experiment so far:
Day 1:
On Friday I jumped in and gave it a try. It helped for my to plug in my phone on the kitchen counter so I didn't have the urge to check it regularly. What I learned: One way that I stay organized is by writing down reminders & notes for myself as soon as things come into my mind -- normally I would add something to my calendar or my grocery list or my reminders on my phone, so instead I pulled out a sticky note and wrote my notes down on that, then I just added them to my phone later that night. I also learned that I needed to turn off several of my alarms/reminders so I wasn't having to walk over to the phone to turn them off so frequently throughout the afternoon. And I learned that it didn't seem as hard as I'd expected. (It was from 3pm until about 5:30pm, since my husband and I left at 5:30 to go to our temple that evening without the kids), so it wasn't that long. What we did: At first I kind of wandered around the kitchen -- doing a little tidying up, starting to read a magazine article and quickly losing interest. Then I walked out in the back yard with Isaac and we pulled several weeds in the yard together. And then I gave Isaac & Kolby each haircuts. I felt good about not using my phone or computer, not that it was really that long to go without them, but more because I was doing it deliberately with the design to do things with my kids instead.
Day 2:
Today I did some prep work before the kids got home from school -- I turned off several of the alarms on my phone so they wouldn't be such a distraction in the afternoon, and I checked my phone messages, and printed out the cards I needed to prepare the cub scout awards for tomorrow's pack meeting. I tried to be conscious earlier in the day about things I needed to get done on the phone/computer in order to be able to stay off them in the afternoon. What I learned: I had put some thought into it since Day 1, and I had decided that there were certain things that I was ok with using the phone or computer for -- I was ok with using the device specifically for an activity with my child (taking photos of the kids, working on genealogy together, etc. We didn't end up doing anything like that today, but I don't want to limit it so much that we might miss out on an activity we may enjoy together. What we did: I had to get the scout awards ready for the pack meeting, which is something I've always done by myself in the past. But this time I asked Isaac if he wanted to help me, and he was happy to. Then we went out and pulled a few weeds in the front yard and trimmed the vines. Later, while the boys cooked dinner, I tried to read a book while also acting as referee for their arguments about how best to prepare the meal they were making. (I also ended up showing them the easiest way to divide egg yolks from egg whites, after letting them try out a few different creative methods on their own). :) After dinner was cleaned up, I would normally probably have used my phone or computer to check a few things off my "to do" list, but instead I did a puzzle with Camden twice -- he wanted to put it together, then turn all the pieces over and put the whole thing together again backwards. I wanted to read one of our Christmas books to the boys, but they were more interested in the puzzle & playing a board game with Dad after dinner, so I rummaged through the Christmas boxes in the garage & pulled out the CDs of the Forgotten Carols audiobook & music, a Christmas time favorite from when I was a kid, and I enjoyed listening to the first CD while Camden & I did the puzzle. Then I tried to glue back together the pieces of a ceramic ornament that had accidentally been broken, but I didn't have too much success -- I'll have to try a different kind of glue some other time. Today was longer than Day 1 -- 3:00pm to 8:30 when the boys went upstairs to do their bedtime routine, and I admit I did feel a draw to quickly check my messages to see if there was anything important, but I held out and didn't do it until after the boys went up for the night. And guess what? Nothing important that couldn't wait until that night. Nothing important enough to interrupt spending a little time with the kids. I think I'm going to like this. I haven't really made a big deal to the kids about it, I don't imagine they've really even noticed a change yet. But it's kind of fun to see what simple activities I can do instead for a few hours.
Oh, and Michael just told me that he set his phone on the counter and avoided answering a call during dinner and checking the phone after dinner while he played a board game with the boys. Didn’t know that he might try it out a bit too.
I'll try to come back later & give another update about how it goes from here. Wish me luck . . .
I'll try to come back later & give another update about how it goes from here. Wish me luck . . .
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